


if lazarus killed god do you think he would have been happy

by perennials



Series: whence [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Gen, study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 12:05:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19790527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perennials/pseuds/perennials
Summary: Once, Shouyou wanted to be as tall as a mountain.





	if lazarus killed god do you think he would have been happy

**Author's Note:**

> in dreams we are always children

Once, Shouyou wanted to be as tall as a mountain. Then he got older, and the world flattened itself rather subserviently beneath the soles of his shoes as if it could not be bothered to carry his weight on its concrete shoulders anymore. He climbed a real mountain on a weekend, a small one, and was disappointed. The view from the top was not unpleasant, and he would tell Kageyama about it later if he remembered (he would not be able to, in fact, until several years had passed), but he could not help feeling that it had all looked much better in his head somehow.

Shouyou spent a lot of time dreaming. In his sleep he could make reality listen to him, and as someone with several minor complexes that followed him around like toy soldiers through the waking hours, this was significant to him. If he wanted the horse to run, it would run. If he told the old man by the side of the road to stand up and dance until Shouyou got bored and looked away, at which point his existence would become null, he would. If he jumped, there would be a volleyball there for him to hit. Right there, where his hand was frozen in mid air, a freeze-frame of cinematography and breathless anticipation. His younger sister enjoyed looking at classical paintings, a fact which continually baffled all of their relatives on a daily basis. He had seen the paintings of Lazarus and Lucifer. He liked to imagine he was either of them, and, when he could not decide who he was more scared of, both.

All eyes on him. Hinata Shouyou learned to dream with his eyes on his eyes on himself when he was fourteen years old. To the outside world he appeared to be glowing in a style reminiscent of the outrageously orange lava lamps that defined the bedroom contours of 2007, but what no one could see was that inside of him, something small and lethal was beginning to stir. Kageyama would eventually stumble upon the half-shut door and, glimpsing the small lethal thing, knock the entire frame down in a show of misplaced enthusiasm. He would demand to hear about last, last (last, last, how many lasts again?) weekend, which Hinata would have long since forgotten to tell him about. There would be hell to pay in the after-hours, when they were all sweaty and sleepy and sapped of strength, layered up in coats and other snowmen gear while they blew on hot manjuu with their teeth.  


For now, the small lethal thing would propel him forward. In a way, Shouyou was still sleeping even as he pulled his shirt down over his head and stepped out of the locker room into the high, empty school gymnasium. He was not a child anymore; he no longer wanted to be as tall as a mountain. He wanted to be something bigger than life itself. This would require a more severe sort of ambition. A more selfish dream.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nikiforcvs) or [tumblr](http://corpsentry.tumblr.com/)
> 
> the twitter prompt dump continues. this is something of a character study. im actually like 5 months behind on haikyuu right now which is all sorts of sad but i will get around to it someday i think. look! it's the weekend. i hope your weekend is going well. thanks for reading my work on your weekend
> 
> have a good one


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